


Shut Up, You Oaf

by saintarchangel



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Humour, M/M, kalluzeb - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-09 06:13:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6893362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saintarchangel/pseuds/saintarchangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kallus' and Zeb's paths keep intertwining in the strangest ways: this particular night, they end up in a hotel room together. Things get a little more intimate, but Zeb seems bent on killing the mood.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shut Up, You Oaf

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first non-oc fic plz be gentle and give me tips i am just a small dirty goblin

It had been a long day. Neither of them knew how they had found themselves in this predicament. Both Kallus and Zeb pondered on it on their respective fronts, but well-- That didn’t exactly stop them, but both were fairly silent.

They’d met quite a few times now, somehow, like it had been a plan embedded in the Force. This was just a natural continuation of the weird string of events starting off with getting stuck on an ice moon with nothing but each other and a few hungry carnivorous lifeforms. This particular venture was started with an abrupt “I have a cabin for the night and it’s, uh, lonely” responded to with a “I see, perhaps I can help”.

It wasn’t that out of place when you were in the middle of kissing in a bar trying to look like you weren’t, but certainly not that high up on the list of good pick-up lines. And how they had ended up kissing…

This was, with hundred percent precision, the worst idea he had had in all of his life, or at least in his recent memory. Kallus glanced at Zeb as he was undoing his belt: the other man was throwing around his clothes like they were rags. Kallus had folded his down in a neat pile on the corner of the small table jutting out of the wall. He thought about how he would’ve liked to fold Zeb’s clothes, too, as he stepped out of his pants. 

Kallus stepped into a piece of discarded armour and faintly noted how Zeb’s ear twitched at the rattle. There was something endearing about his feline ears, much to Kallus’ disdain. He preferred to think this as a freak folly, one that he’d get over with after sleeping with the man. He’d had these before. Zeb kicked his clothes into a haphazard pile, staring at Kallus’ back. He had folded all of his clothes, and was currently in the process of smoothing out a shirt to properly put it on top of the pile. This scene amused Zeb, a smile finding its way onto his features.

Zeb lifted Kallus up before he managed to get rid of his boxers, making a surprised ah escape Kallus’ lips. It always surprised him how strong Zeb was, lifting him up like he was nothing. Not that he complained, exactly. The lasat grinned, and Kallus resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He was doing this on purpose.

“Is it a lasat courting method to make a show of your strength? Have you now officially established yourself as the alpha male in this room?” Zeb laughed: “Fine.” He put Kallus down but held onto his hands, pulling him towards the bed after him. Kallus let himself to be lead, but not without rolling his eyes. Zeb sat on the bed and lowered himself onto his back, and Kallus followed to straddle his big hips. He bent down to kiss him on the lips, a chaste, exploring kiss, as Zeb let go of his hands and trailed his clawed fingers up his arms and down his sides. 

Kallus’ skin shivered at his touch, and he pressed his hips against Zeb’s with a slow roll, his other hand on Zeb’s cheek and the other trailing down to...

“...Where?” Kallus let his hand rest against Zeb’s fur, his expression stricken with confusion. “Where’s your… You have no... “ He patted around before looking up to Zeb’s equally empty eyes. “What.”

“Just…” Kallus paused. “What?” Zeb shifted underneath him as he trailed off, propping himself up on his elbows to fixate his gaze on Kallus’ eyes. “Something wrong? You don’t wanna do this?”

“No! No, I do, it’s just.” Kallus paused. “I… Can’t find your genitals.” Zeb stared back at Kallus and blinked. Zeb stared emptily at Kallus before snorting.

“Uh, yeah, its sheathed. Since we haven’t done anything yet.” Kallus’s eyes fluttered as he was absorbing the information. “Oh,” he said. 

“Your stuff’s out all the time?” Zeb made his best to look as earnest as possible, but his effort was wasted by Kallus’ staring past Zeb’s head, his face devoid of emotion.

“...Yes.” He didn’t know he should’ve taken a few lessons in alien anatomy before deciding to bed a weird purple man. On another thought, it suddenly made perfect sense. You just didn’t fuck a big purple man without looking up a few holotable screens about how to fuck him. 

Zeb scrunched up his brows and hooked his big thumbs under the elastic of Kallus’ black boxers, pulling them halfway down his thighs with haste. 

“Wow, you really weren’t joking,” Zeb said, surprised, cupping Kallus’ balls in his hand. Kallus felt like he was the only naked one here and groaned, putting a hand on his face. Zeb grinned, snorting.

He held Kallus’ limp dick in between his fingers and made it bob to his words: “Hello. I am little Kallus. Nice to meet-” Kallus pushed him off, rolling off of him to his side, so his back was at him. He hated Zeb. So much. How he had ended here in bed with him, he did not know. Kallus closed his eyes, squished in the tiny space between the wall and Zeb. Zeb was wheezing.

“You big…” Kallus started, trailing off with a resigned voice, when no insult could convey his dislike well enough. Zeb dragged a hand down his face: this was the funniest thing he had done today. It was saying a lot since he was always funny. He turned to his side so that the bed wasn’t quite so cramped and Kallus instantly elbowed him in the ribs since the laugh didn’t stop, which made Zeb let out an oof but not stop. 

Zeb glanced to Kallus’ freckled back and his disheveled hair -both of which were quite endearing- and stifled his laughter. “Okay,” he said with a grin in his voice. “I was messing with you. I know what humans look like.” Kallus sighed.

So he really was the only… Anatomy nonspecialist here.


End file.
